Hi, I created an IAT study in my Psych statistics class today and I’m interested in my mental illness BPD. If anyone with BPD is willing to take my study, it’s completely anonymous. I’ll post a brief abstract in the coming week, so you can understand why I wanted to create this study. Please please help. I need 20-30 people to take this study!!! Thank you so much!!!! Here is the link: http://lab.tellab.org/show/paradigm/iat/5c015c4671a894c407e1f807
A text I wrote to my boyfriend when he told me to wear my pain like armor:
I think you sometimes forget you’re with someone who feels things on a scale you’ll never be able to understand. That it’s exactly like I’m a burn victim but with emotional nerve endings being plucked at random and nothing I can do to stop it. Try to wear that immense emotion. When everything you feel is magnified by 100,000. And you have to hold it together all the time because people never feel that much but you do. So they don’t understand why you could hurt so bad about something. Image the worst emotional pain you’ve ever felt and imagine that magnified like trying to kill ants but everyday. And add in other emotions like that. How are you supposed to wear something that hurts so much you can barely hold it up or breathe. There is a reason why my dx is the number one mental illness for not making it. Because image the weight of all those emotions and trying to wear them… it’s like burying yourself in boulders and gasping for air.
I’m just abstract in the way I do and see things. I don’t believe that things need to be done in a certain order or that money is all too important. I believe in doing what makes you happy and following your dreams. I believe that there is time to change if you don’t like something. That life is about trying to experience everything, the good or bad. That society shouldn’t define how your life plays out, what types of people you should know or be. That life is messy and meant to be explored in every facet. Fail and fail again until something sticks. There is no correct way to life. It just happens the way it happens. Ya know?
I finally did it!
I am publishing a book!
Here’s a link to the preview https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1247573
I am so excited.
I will let you all know when it gets published and goes up for sale on paperback and kindle.
The demon took the form of a man
He sold her the fairytale she always dreamed of
She was none the wiser
You see, he was beautiful but not in the way anyone but her could see
For it was an elaborate trap
He wanted to consume her and everything that made her special
So, she fell and he snickered
As days went by, the mask slowly fell
But she had stars in her eyes
No matter how much he showed her
She kept believing in his not existent goodness
And she slowly crumbled
As darkness was taking over
But she kept trying
Because she believed that he had a heart, he must have one
It couldn’t of been a lie
Then one night, he fell to the ground and started laughing… and she knew.
She knew that even if she was to die, at least it would be by his hand
Because she had stars in her eyes…
Should I of stayed?
Would we have been okay then?
Look at us now
You don’t even see it
You didn’t see it
Two hellbent souls
Trying to love
But too broken to be
Now we’re here
Trying so hard to hold on
But I see what’s happening
The growing distance
This won’t last
This won’t work
This is doomed
It’s always been doomed
A Shakespearean tragedy…