Dear Amy,
Everyone always tells you, when you’re adopted, that they gave you up for a good reason, that they did it so you could have a better life. I know why you did what you did. I can understand that.
The thing about adoption though, is that even though you may be thinking of your baby and giving them a better life, in that moment, no one is really ever thinking of the child.
What I mean by that is, that no one thinks about the child afterwards. The emotional repercussions of growing up adopted. How that one choice, will change and affect everything in their life forever.
Change how they view the world, themselves. How others view them, treat them. How they grow up, who they grow up to be.
Identity is a big problem for a lot of adopted people. Not knowing who or where you came from. Who you look like, your medical history, any history for that matter. It causes an emotional disturbance within you. I know because when I didn’t know you, when I was going through puberty, as a teenager, this became very evident, a big focal point in my life. I felt lost.
Another thing that was hard growing up, is the bullying. Kids are mean. If you are different in any way they will use that against you. And they did. My siblings included. Adoption is not something you come by often, people, kids don’t understand it. So, they make fun of it. They made fun of me. I felt like I was bad, or there was something wrong with me.
Then there is just the idea of adoption that no one worries about. The way it makes you feel. How you were abandoned by your birth mom, so you must be horrible. How no one could ever love you because they couldn’t. Though this may all be irrational, no one realizes the impact of adoption, the abandonment, the idea that you were given up, what it can do. What it did to me. What your choice did to me.
I love you, mom.
bean
11-21-17
borderlifer 